Breaking Down Barriers

On this day in 2018 I achieved the greatest athletic accomplishment in my life thus far. I was elated as I crossed the finish line of the Ventura Marathon 2 hours and 54 minutes after I started. When I began my training for this race I wanted to break 3:10. As my training progressed my amazing coach, Kevin Barda, told me he thought I could break 3 hours. I thought he was crazy, but the theme of my training for that race was, “You won’t know if you don’t try.” I wasn’t sure what I was capable of so I figured I’d give it a shot. My training was geared toward a 2:59 pace and I was hitting most of my splits at altitude, which was extremely encouraging. I was running and training in a way I never had before. Come race day I knew I had to hold back at the beginning. My mantra was, “It’s a 10K race with a 20-mile warm up.” I held my paces through the first 19 miles, including on the uphill sections and I felt amazing. I was the fourth woman in the race pretty consistently during the first 17 miles. Then I caught the number 3 woman, still maintaining my splits for a 2:59 finish. Then I caught up to the number 2 woman at mile 18, we ran together for a mile and chatted. She was from Canada and her friend was the last person I had passed. She asked what my goal was and I told her I wanted to break 3 hours; her goal was the same. At mile 19 she looked at me and said, you look so strong right now, why don’t you go try to catch first place and I told her my theory that a marathon is a 10K race with a 20-mile warm-up. I also tried to convince her to go with me to catch her. Her response was that the only thing that was going to keep her on pace is knowing I was in front of her chasing down the first-place woman. I wished her good luck and started picking up the pace. I never caught first-place, but I did run the fastest final 10K of any woman in the field. I finished 5 minutes faster than anticipated and was so excited to see where I was able to push my body to. I knew I had more in me and I immediately set a goal to qualify for the Olympic Trials in the Marathon. I would need to run a 2:45 or faster by the next January and I again took on the mindset, “You won’t know if you don’t try.” Unfortunately, my left foot has had other plans this year. I have been battling plantar fasciitis since Christmas 2018. I wasn’t able to train or compete this summer/fall, but I have grown and accomplished so much more in the past year than I could imagine. In my mind, my “new year” started on this day when I woke up to run the Ventura Marathon on October 21, 2018. Since then, this year has been one of breaking down barriers.

It started by breaking down my barriers athletically. I accomplished things I never thought possible and for the first time in my life, am not putting limitations of what I can accomplish as an athlete. That was a barrier I had tried to break down since I was a freshman in high school. Through my training, I also gained a self-confidence I hadn’t had in a long time. I was confident in the way I looked, who I was as a person and confidence in myself in my career. I didn’t think training would teach me those things. Through this year I have been able to continue to break down insecurities I have held onto for many years. This process is not over, but I am so glad it has begun. I also broke down barriers I had put up that had been keeping me from pursuing my career in the ski industry. I started applying for jobs all over the western United States hoping to get back into the ski industry, and it worked! I have found myself in one of the most empowering and encouraging work environments I have experienced in my life. Through this journey I also broke down my personal barriers to have the confidence to leave an unhealthy and toxic relationship that I knew was holding me back personally and professionally. I have broken down the barriers I put up between the people who love me and myself. I am having meaningful relationships with people who I had been pushing away for many years. I could have never imagined I would have accomplished so much this past year and that my life would be in such a different place. I know I have a lot more growth and healing to do, but I am so glad to have started the process through breaking down these barriers. And the best part about this whole journey is that I haven’t been alone. I could not be where I am today with my incredible support system that is spread around the world (you know who you are)!

And all this leads to today where this reflection came from. No, I did not get to run a marathon today, but I did get to go on an almost 15-mile trail run in Tahoe (my new backyard) with Fred! I am going back to the roots of what I love about life and today was one day closer to having my roots firmly in the ground again. This trail run was not where I would have imagined I would be one year ago, but I am so thankful it is where I am. The journey of life continues and I will continue to break down the barriers I have put up to get back to the core of what makes me happy.