A Day to Celebrate Me

One year ago, today I made one of the biggest decisions of my life...I made the decision to start living for myself instead of living for other people. I decided to take control of where my life was going. I chose happiness for myself instead of living for the happiness of others. I haven’t figured out what to call May 11^th in my life. It is similar to an anniversary with myself, or a second birthday, a day I chose to be me. If you know me, I really do not like celebrating holidays, my birthday or any anniversaries, but this one is different. This one I am happy to celebrate. So how do I celebrate it? By running a solo trail marathon of course! I know what you are thinking (unless you are also a long distance runner junky)…why in the world would you celebrate with something like that? It sounds more like torture… But I celebrate with a marathon because running gives me joy (beyond the runner’s high, don’t get too many of those anymore). Long-distance running has also taught me more about how to cope with life than I would have ever imagined. Here are some of the lessons I have learned from this challenging and rewarding activity.

• Focus on the Positives: When I am deep on a run and it gets hard, I focus on the things that feel good. Sometimes my thoughts are, “Your quads feel great right now Kari, use those for a while.” Sometimes it sounds like, “Well your pinky finger feels good so let’s focus on that for a little bit.” Pain comes and goes throughout a distance run and sometimes you just have to focus on what is right to get through the times when you think everything is going wrong.
• Set Smaller Goals Within the Bigger Objective: Long distance running can be hard…I know, that’s a shocker. Sometimes running gets difficult when you still have a long way to go. To make it through these times I have trained myself to make attainable goals. It may seem possible for me to keep running for a mile so I focus on completing that mile, then check in with myself again and make another attainable goal. Sometimes it is taking 10 steps at a time, so I take 10 steps and re-assess. Eventually as you accomplish the smaller goals you have made it through the entire run.
• Positive Self Talk: When I am out running I talk to myself quite a bit, both in my head and out loud. When I get to the top of a big hill climb, I’ll tell myself, “Way to go Kari-Girl!” I’ll also tell myself I can do things by saying, “You’ve got this girl.” If my body is telling me to slow down or not run as far as I intended I will also tell myself that it’s ok if it’s not in me today. Obviously, I keep that voice in check as much as possible.
• The Crux of the Day is Getting Out of Bed: This is a wise statement from my brother from another mother, Will Carlson. Sometimes this is so true for those early morning runs. Sometimes getting out of bed is the only thing it takes to get me out the door. And once I am moving I am so glad I did not push snooze one more time and decided to run instead. And some days, getting out of bed is enough, no run needed.
• When it Feels Good, Roll With It: Some days of running are more effortless than others. On the days that I feel good, I embrace it and use it to see what I can do! Don’t question the good days, embrace them and let them flow through you. Smile as much as possible through them and feel how they empower you!
• Do One Intentional Thing A Day for Yourself: Make a point to do one thing every day just because you enjoy it. This may be going for a run, drinking a cup of tea, reading a book, journaling, enjoying a great meal, etc, etc. Each day make a conscious effort to invest some time into yourself and your mental health. 
• Don’t Compare Yourself to Others All The Time: Running is such an individual thing and it is so easy to see gains within yourself. In the days of Strava and Social Media it is really hard not to compare ourselves with others all the time. When you upload an activity to Strava it is hard not to look at the segments to see where you stand. Competition like this does make us push our limits and accomplish extraordinary things, but we can’t expect to
  
  be the best every day. If we improve our segment time every time we go for a run we are just going to get injured and over train ourselves. It is so important to give ourselves easy days too. You don’t have to be the fastest to enjoy a run! You don’t have to be the best at life to enjoy life either!

Running has been a constant in my life since I was 12 years old. Running gives me clarity, it helps me think, it strengthens me, it gives me confidence, it helps me to inspire others and most importantly, it has taught me lessons that have gotten me through some of my darkest days. I know long distance running is not what some people want to do with their time, and that is just fine. Long distance running and the lessons that come along with it have saved my life. It helped give me the confidence to change where my life was going and focus on me again. It has given me confidence and it has given me strength. 

Two summers ago I started training again to race a marathon and see what I could accomplish. I re-connected an incredible coach, Kevin Barda, that believed in me way more than I believed in myself. He would tell me what he thought I was capable of, I would tell him he was crazy, but then would try, and most times I would perform in the way Kevin knew that I could. I started to tell myself, “You won’t know if you don’t try.” I started to work towards paces that I never thought possible for myself and I was accomplishing them. I was more confident than I had been in my entire life. I felt strong, I felt I had purpose, and I felt as though I was making decisions every day to be me again. Then I ran the race I was training for and I performed well beyond what I ever thought possible for myself and I knew I had more in me. I felt like I was on top of the world and I felt like a had hope for the future for the first time in a long while. Before I started training for this marathon most days I felt like I was a waste of space on this planet, that I was not worthy of the air I was breathing and that I was an utter disappointment to everyone around me, including myself. But through the 16-week training cycle, I regained my confidence that I was worthy of life and had something to give to the world around me. It was because of this training and this race that 6 months later I would take the rest of my life into my own hands. Running gave me the strength to take the first step in claiming my life back. The past 12-month have not been easy, but I have grown so much. I have been able to experience this growth through endless support from loved ones that have surrounded me and lifted me up. Cheers to the next 12 months of growth, confidence and strength!